he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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