32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
