i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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