we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
