Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
