i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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