I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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