if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize