Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize