I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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