Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
