video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
