I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
