last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
