so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
