Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
