Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize