Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
