We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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