remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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