Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
