Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
