You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
