then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
