we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize