i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
