I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
