well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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