Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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