I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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