speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
