I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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