would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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