we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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