It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
