I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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