What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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