her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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