On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
