we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
