Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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