i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
