Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
