you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
