Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
