So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
