I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
