The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
