Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize