Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
