I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
