Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
