My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
