check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
