I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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