It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
