It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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