I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
