There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
