So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
