she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
