I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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