I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
