So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Randomize
