a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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