I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
