Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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