I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
