hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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