did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
