so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
