I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
