You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
