I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
