oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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