as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
