Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
