How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
